March 12th, 2010 by Wordsman
Tifa charged in, saw the Don
“Corneo! Up you’ll fess!”
Aeris followed, looking sad
“Aww, Cloud took off his dress”
“So much for my guards,” he said
“You folks don’t mess around
This is the might of AVALANCHE
The noble underground!”
“What do you know ‘bout us?”
Tifa asked. “Don’t even twitch!
If you don’t answer, let’s just say
Your voice will rise in pitch”
“Sounds like fun,” the Don replied
But his eyes filled with fear
Aeris failed to understand
“You’re gonna hit his ear?”
The Don said, “I was simply tasked
To find the gun-armed man”
Tifa asked, “Who told you?”
“Heidegger. It was his plan”
“The Head of Public Safety?”
In her voice, a hint of fret
The man did keep the public “safe”
By crushing ev’ry threat
“I did what he wanted
I helped him his problem fix
Pointed him to Sector Seven
Oh thank God we’re here in Six”
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March 5th, 2010 by Wordsman
Aeris could not help but grin
And Tifa looked offended
Cloud piped: “Y-you mean this other girl
Yes, that’s what you intended!”
Corneo: “And modest, too!
I’ve got a winner here!
You two, go off with the boys
Call me if you need beer
“We shall away to my boudoir!
It’s okay to say ‘Wow!’”
The room was . . . well, like you’d expect
Thought Cloud: just kill me now
“I’d like to start with role play
I’ll be Stanley, you be Blanche”
Said Cloud: “I’d rather just talk
H-have you heard of AVALANCHE?”
Corneo’s eyes narrowed
“That’s a funny thing to ask
So, are you the pretty face?
Or do you wear . . . a mask?”
The fat man lunged, and snagged Cloud’s dress
It came off, bit by bit
Soon the disguise had disappeared
The Don said, “Holy shit!
“Sweet Jesus! I was joking!
You . . . you’re actually a guy?”
Cloud savored his freedom
As he rearranged his fly
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February 26th, 2010 by Wordsman
“Hey! What are you doing?”
Called a voice atop the stair
“Dat room’s not ‘til later
First da Don’s gotta . . . prepare”
Tifa whispered frantically
“Okay, so here’s the plan:
For tonight they’ve brought three girls
Well . . . two girls and one man
“The Don comes out and picks one
Who then shares his bed tonight
But, instead of foreplay
You interrogate him. Right?”
Aeris said, “This sounds like fun!
Oh boy, will he be tricked!”
“Sure,” said Cloud, assuming
That he’d not be the one picked
The two girls pranced up the stairs
With “Ooohs!” and “Ohmygawds!”
The guard said, “Why I gotta deal
Wit’ all o’ dese dumb broads?”
In his office, Corneo
A fat man in maroon
“I say! Look at these lovely girls!
I think that I may swoon!
“My, you’ve got a pretty face!
And this one’s so cute, too!
I’ve never had a choice this hard
But I will go with . . . you!”
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February 19th, 2010 by Wordsman
Down the steps, a creepy room
With a . . . torture device?
Looking ‘round for clues and such
Was one girl, dressed real nice
“Are you Tifa?” Aeris asked
Without even a “Yo”
She introduced herself: “Aeris
And this is my friend . . . Jo”
“Yes, I’m Tifa,” she replied
In a suspicious tone
“But what are you two doing here?
I thought I’d be alone”
“We might ask the same of you!”
Said “Jo” in a falsetto
He brought it on with a sharp kick
From his high-heel stiletto
Tifa laughed. “Cloud, drop the act
It’s real clear who you are
Dresses, makeup, even wigs
Can only go so far”
She said, “I’m here for Corneo”
As Cloud stood there in shock
“It seems he knows of Shinra’s plans
I came to make him talk
“And Cloud, I’ve something here for you”
It was a swift elbow
“What . . . was that for?” grunted Cloud
“For making me fret so”
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February 12th, 2010 by Wordsman
Aeris held a brazen thong
“But, hmm, will you fit in it?”
Cloud woke as if from a deep trance
“Now wait one goddamned minute!
“The dress and wig, I understand
For the disguise, I’ll bear
But I do not see any point
In sexy underwear!
“None would even see it!
Oh, and if they did, I’d run”
“Fine,” said Aeris grumpily
“I was just having fun”
All dressed up, the two, uh, “girls”
Went off to see the Don
Cloud was having quite a time
Walking with high heels on
“Yo, nice rack,” declared the guard
“Wait here. I’ll get da boss”
Aeris said, “It’s going great!”
For words Cloud was at loss
“We’re in! We’re in!” Aeris proclaimed
“Am I real smart, or what?”
“Quiet!” said Cloud. “We’ll get caught
Your mouth you now should shut
“Look for Tifa,” ordered Cloud
“She must be racked with fear”
Aeris found a staircase
“Hmm. Maybe she’s down here”
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February 5th, 2010 by Wordsman
“What’s up?” said the gym’s manager
A great muscle-bound brute
“Hi,” said Aeris. “This is Cloud
We need to make him cute”
The big man laughed. “You want my wig?
Well, you’re just one of lots
So: thirty seconds, the wig goes
To him with the most squats”
“Is there some other way?” asked Cloud
As she pushed him toward mat
“I have . . . another wig,” said Bro
“But nobody wants . . . that”
Despite fatigue, Cloud gave his all
Did squats nigh to infinity
Desp’rate he was for any way
To prove his masculinity
“Take it,” said the sweaty Bro
Dropping down on the bench
“But no one’s gonna think you’re cute
‘Til you clean up your stench”
The dress-up game went on and on
Perfume, circlet, makeup
Finally, Cloud reached a point
Where he could not say, “Yup”
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January 29th, 2010 by Wordsman
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” he said with haste
“I’m Cloud: all that is man”
“I know,” said Aeris, giggling
“But what’s a better plan?”
Cloud, half-stunned, did not protest
As she dragged him about
First there was the dress shop
Said the maker: “We’re sold out
“You see, I need a challenge
Something new,” he said with sigh
Aeris grinned. “That’s perfect!
For you see, it’s for this guy”
The old man grinned most creepily
“You . . . swing that way . . . down south?
I’ll make you something silky soft”
Cloud threw up in his mouth
“Just a dress won’t be enough
You’ll also need a wig
I have a friend who . . . swings like you
They call him Bro the Big
“He’s o’er in the gymnasium
It, uh, smells kinda gross”
She said, “We’ll be back for the dress”
Cloud was near-comatose
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January 22nd, 2010 by Wordsman
“Tifa?” Cloud asked puzzledly
As cart from playground tore
“That’s Wall Market,” Aeris said
“Could your friend be a whore?”
Cloud saw lights flashing, smelled the booze
Heard invites to come in
He had entered Midgar’s
Glowing capital of sin
“Tifa went up this way”
He said, following the cart
Wondering what was the scene
In which she would play part
At road’s end, a mansion house
Decked out in Far East style
In the front, a surly guard
Whose heart was full of bile
“Dis place belongs to Corneo
So scram; he don’t like guys”
Cloud wanted to beat him up
But Aeris said, “Disguise”
“What’s the big idea?” asked Cloud
Trying rage to suppress
“Simple,” she said. “All we need’s
To get you in a dress”
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January 15th, 2010 by Wordsman
“Where could you be going now?”
The naïve girl inquired
“How come you got up so soon?
Are you not really tired?”
“Oh, uh, nowhere,” Cloud replied
“Just felt like a late walk”
“Since we’re both up,” Aeris said
“You wanna sit and talk?”
They went into a sad playground
Whose atmosphere was dank
Aeris sat down on the slide
“What was your SOLDIER rank?”
Cloud could not remember
How could this have come to pass?
Suddenly, his mem’ry flashed
“Of course I was First Class”
“Just like he was,” Aeris mulled
Cloud sensed some competition
‘Fore he could speak, he was stunned
By a strange apparition
A gaudy cart passed by, decked out
With tassel and with bell
Frowning in the back there was
A girl he knew quite well
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January 8th, 2010 by Wordsman
But Aeris’ mom put her foot down
“No one goes anywhere!”
“But Mom . . .” “No buts, young lady!
You’ll sleep on it, or I swear . . .”
Cloud could not find sleep that night
His mind just had to rove
Met the Prez, chased by the Turks
And Aeris, one room ove’ . . .
“What’s with you?” asked the myst’ry voice
“Does this room not suffice?
I mean, not since we were a kid
Has our room been this nice”
So Cloud thought of his childhood
‘Twas much like any other
Until he heard the nagging of
His domineering mother
Cloud sat up, said, “I’ve got to go”
Like he’d seen the abyss
“Sep’rate bedrooms, met the mom
Can’t get tied down like this!”
“You’re running from a pretty girl?”
The voice asked, nonchalant
“Course,” Cloud answered, frantically
“It’s just what she would want”
Down the stairs and out the door
Cloud tiptoed through night air
Got to Sector Six, and heard:
“Are you going somewhere?”
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